Father’s Day 2013

FATHERS DAY 2013

Father’s day sure got here quick. It has almost been 9 months since sweet Maura was here and gone.  Man does time go by fast. It is amazing how it seems so long ago and like yesterday all at the same time.

 

I am happy to still be here. I didn’t think I would be able to make it through almost 9 months ago. I thought I would never laugh, never smile, never feel like living again. Most days I do all three. I still though, every day, think of my sweet Maura Lynn. There are a lot of days where I feel like I don’t think of her enough. It’s a scary feeling some days like I am a bad daddy for not thinking of her every second all day long. I know that’s not reality, but still doesn’t change the fact of how I feel.

 

Between worrying about Maura’s mommy, work, friends, anxiety attacks, infertility, the future…..I wonder what the future shall bring us. Will I be able to provide for my wife, for Maura’s Mission, for myself, mentally and emotionally?  All I can say is…thank God there is a God.

 

I really never anticipated this new reality, nor should I have. Some days this NEW normal just seems so damn unfair. Why did our daughter die? Why do we have to live with this feeling? Are we ever going to be able have another child? Am I ever going feel normal again? Where did all the people in my life go?

 

I have come to find out that we are not alone in this journey.  We have joined the exclusive club that nobody wants to join, of bereaved parents. The friends and bonds are amazing. Without these friends I don’t think I could have made it through. Without organizations like:

 Still Project, OC Walk To Remember, Still Standing,  Return To Zero,  KV  BIJOU, Maurasmission.com,  Giving Dads: To The Brink and Back, Farley-Kluger Initiative, this is to just name a few. Without organizations like these there would be a whole bunch more people suffering without any hope and knowledge of child loss.

 

Sincerely,

Ryan Shafer

Maura’s Daddy

3 comments

  1. Douglas Sterner

    amazing, just amazing we lost our daughter Gia Marielle a year ago and as a grieving father who is facing many of the same anxieties and issues you are going through it felt as if you were talking directly to me. Stay strong and hope you continue to find peace even if it is just a little bit at a time

  2. Nancy

    Death is life changing – we learn many lessons through it. The discoveries about ourselves is amazing. Love is the most important part of our journey here. Keeping all of you in our prayers for today and the future.

  3. Lisa Locke

    Ryan. All three of you have a special place in my heart. I think of you all everyday. Sending you lots of hugs today. You are an awesome man, dad, and husband. Stay strong my friend. Love you guys.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s